Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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