I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
