I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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