i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
