My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
