Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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