I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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