Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
