Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize