I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
