My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
