lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
