I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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