once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
