When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
