Where did you get a picture of my penis
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
