My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize