We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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