I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
40s are totally the cure
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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