My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
