dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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