Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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