She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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