Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
