My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
