he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Even my vagina gasped.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
