there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
