Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
