i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
