we're making bets on your personal life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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