Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
