god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
