we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
