So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
