You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
