I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
