At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
