where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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