I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
