Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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