Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
