I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
