I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ketchup is God's man juice
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
