So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
