I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
