But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
