is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
