Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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