hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
