so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
