Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
