omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
