Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
