..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
