dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
