I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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