My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
