So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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