I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
