guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
