I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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