I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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