I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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