sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
