Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize