I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
