I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
