You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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