he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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