Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
