mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
